Coming Undone
by NacaMichio
Summary: After killing Tobias, Reid's skitzophrenia sets in. He fights the urge to kill, even turning to drugs to satisfy his mind. Morgan sees the change in his friend, but never sees his friend as a murderer. Better summary inside. Drug abuse and murder!
1. Saved

**Storyline: After killing Tobias, Spencer Reid tries anything he can to fight the high it earns him. As skitzophrenia sets in Reid tries to fight his urge to murder any way he can, even turning to drugs to satisfy his mind. _Morgan sees the change in his friend but when the murder scene points every finger at Reid, Morgan goes into hyperdrive to proctect the man he has promised to always watch over._**

Point of View: Spencer Reid, limited third person; Derek Morgan Limited third person

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><p><strong>This story is based off a video on youtube called <span>spencer reid-the unsub<span> by spencerreidgirl. she gave me permission to write a story based off her video. I will try to put a link to it here but Fanfiction doesn't like links. If not, then look it up on youtube.**

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><p><strong>This story starts out just after the episode Revelations then picks up a month later after a new case. <strong>

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><p><strong>I do not own Criminal Minds, any of it's characters or the storyline for the episode Revelations or the story line of Reid being an unsub.<strong>

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><p><em>"However Beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results." Sir Winston Churchill<em>

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><p>Reid held the gun shakily in front of himself, aiming at Tobias, or whoever he was right now. Tobias pointed the knife agressively at him but Reid didn't flinch. Tobias said something to him and took a step, swinging the knife back.<p>

Reid took the shot. As soon as Tobias moved to attack and opened himself up. Reid told himself, _If I don't, he'll kill me, and many others._ and so he took the shot.

His blood coursed through his veins and his pupils dialated. He hoped it wasn't the drugs having some sort of after effect. He breathed erratically and tried to calm down as his brain supplied excess dopamine to his system, that was long overdue. He tried so hard not to feel glad as he crawled over to Tobias and leaned over the dying man.

He tried not to look happy that the man was dying, as he listened to the young man's last words.

He tried to not feel exuberant when the light faded from the man's eyes.

He tried so hard not to enjoy the feeling of taking another life. The power he had never in his life felt. The power that a man of his stature, metaphorically and phisically, could never feel any other way.

The team thought he was happy to see them, and he was, but the true happyness lay at his feet. As much as he wished he didn't, Spencer Reid enjoyed killing. As much as he tried not to, He wanted to do it again.

He stole the drugs from the dead man's pocket and then stood shakily. His time with Tobias was over, but his _sin_ had just begun

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><p>Morgan watched Reid sleep. They were on one of the bench seats of the plane and Reid was curled on his side with his feet near Morgan. Morgan closed his book and took his large headphones off his ears, resting them on his neck. All the others were alseep except for, of course, Gideon and himself.<p>

Morgan put a hand on Reid's ankle and felt him trembling lightly. Reid's face was hidden in his arm, but Morgan didn't need to see Reid's face to know something was wrong. Reid's breath started to come in short, whining gasps.

He was having a nightmare. Morgan shook Reid's ankle in attempt to wake him up. Morgan remembered when he had developed his overprotectiveness for Reid.

Reid was acting strange that day and Morgan had noticed. He asked Reid what was up, and after a little prodding Reid had answered.

"Do the nightmares ever go away?" He had asked shakily. Morgan had answered the only way he knew how.

"I'll get back to you on that." Morgan had said. The nightmares for Spencer Reid still hadn't gone away.

This last case had been hard on all of them, but particularly hard on the kid. Today was the one month aneversery of Reid's abduction. Morgan shook Reid's ankle again.

"Reid. Hey, Kid. Wake up." When Reid turned over and whined but didn't wake up. Morgan grabbed him by the shoulders," Reid. Wake up." He shook Reid lightly and Reid shook his head and slowly opened his eyes. Morgan let go of Reid's shoulders so as not to scare him.

"What's going on?" Reid asked, sitting up and putting his feet on the floor. He leaned over and rubbed his eyes.

"Nightmare. You alright?" Morgan asked, putting a hand on Reid's back.

"Yeah. I'm fine now." Reid answered, nodding slightly to himself.

"He's dead Reid." Morgan muttered.

"Yeah." Reid scoffed," And that's comfort?" He said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Morgan leaned over so that he was looking through Reid's curtain of short, brown hair at his face. what he could see contorted in... Was that grief or fear? Or something worse Morgan couldn't see?

"I killed him, Morgan. I killed a man." Reid whispered so quietly that Morgan almost thought he hadn't said anything.

"You had no other choice." Morgan tried to assure him. Reid just nodded and stayed leaned over, his face resting in his palms. Morgan patted Reid's shoulder and sat back in his seat, putting his headphones back on.

He watched Reid for another moment then opened his book and started reading again, as his music drifted in and covered his conciousness.

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><p>Reid was the first off the plane, bags in hand and sunglasses on. He waited for the others by the vehicles. Morgan sighed," I'll take you to headquarters to get your SUV." And Reid smiled. He had carpooled to the plane with Emily but she had to get to a cousin's birthday party.<p>

Gideon called to them from across the parking lot," Reid. I would like a word with you. Do you mind if I take you?" He walked up and smiled at the younger agents.

"Sure, If Morgan doesn't mind?" Reid looked at Morgan who smiled.

"I don't mind. I'll pick up Garcia and take her out for a good old fashioned Friday night." Morgan climbed in his SUV and drove away moments later. Reid nervously walked next to his old friend. His hand dug excessively at his bag and he licked his dry lips.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" He asked as he climbed into Gideon's vehicle.

"Nothing much. We just haven't spent a lot of time together lately. You alright?" He looked at Reid's shaking hands.

"Yeah, fine. Just not sleeping well." He smiled.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked, kindly. Reid loved how fatherly Gideon was to him, but he couldn't let him know what was going on in his mind.

"Not at the moment. Eventually, but I can't right now." Reid answered truthfully.

"Alright. Whatever it is, I'm here to talk to you when you're ready." Gideon smiled and drove on silently.

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others." Reid muttered.

"Robert Louis Stevenson." Gideon smiled," My 'fear' ... is my substance, and probably the best part of me." Gideon glanced at Reid who was also smiling.

"Franz Kafka." Reid smiled to his hands then looked up at the man driving. He always had the right words, even when they were borrowed from another. Reid wished that everything was alright, that he could just forget everything and enjoy his time with Gideon.

There were only two things that could do that for him, and he couldn't share either with Gideon. He would go out with Gideon and pretend nothing was wrong. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to worry Gideon. He smiled as Gideon pulled into a small Jazz would spend his time acting normal then he would go home and try to fight the urge building inside.

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><p><strong>Thank you to spencerreidgirl for letting me use her clip as a basis for this story.<strong>

**Thank you for reading.**

**Review?**


	2. Dwindle

I do not own Criminal Minds.

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><p><em>"Crying is alright in it's own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." C.S. Lewis<em>

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><p><em><strong>The memories. The memories are the worst. The feeling. It is the best. No one alive knows about this, but they all see. My obsession. My weakness. This drug. I can't get away. It's one way or the other. An they both lead to one thing. One thing.<strong>_

_**Death.**_

Spencer Reid sat quietly in his bedroom and stared at the medcation on his nightstand. It had been three hours since Gideon had dropped him off and left him here in the dark. For a milisecond he thought of calling Gideon to come back and telling him everything. He didn't. He crossed his ankles and pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face behind them and grabbing chunks of his hair.

_**What will happen when I run out? **_

He sighed to himself and grabbed the closest bottle to him with shaking hands. He reread the lable that he had memorized long before the first time he had even seen one.

_**That feeling. I need that feeling. This is the next closest thing.**_

He took out a needle from his drawer and prepared it. He set the needle on his nightstand and rolled up his right sleeve. The belt was never far away, he grabbed it and wrapped it around his upper arm. The same way Tobius had those so many nights ago.

He held his breath as tears rolled down his face. He shook slightly as he pressed the needle to his inner arm. It took a few moments to psych himself up and actually push the needle in.

It coursed through his veins and made him fall back onto the bed, his head rolling to the side as the memories started to fill his vision.

_**Mom. With long, gorgeous blonde hair. Why did she cut it? I loved it. I loved the feeling of it touching my face as I hugged her or was read to sleep in her lap. She sees only the good but something else is comming in. Oh no, she sees my arm!I have to cover the marks. She won't get mad, I just don't want her to worry.**_

He slowly opened his eyes and glanced at the clock, even the dim blinking numbers hurt his head.

"Seven thirty." He muttered to himself," Didn't last very long, this time." He went into his bathroom and started the water, washing his hands slowly under the flow. He looked in the mirror and sighed. The deep circles under his eyes had grown to dark purple. Everyone had noticed his mood change, even the new girl. Emily. She was nice but she didn't know him. How could she after such a short time? Of course Reid could know anyone he met within a few days.

He ran his wet hands through his hair and then let it fall in his face. It barely reached his ears so he just brushed it off to the right so that it was out of his eyes. He went back into his room then into his closet, uncerimoniously ripping the belt painfully off his arm. He took off his shirt and pulled on a long sleeve white shirt.

He searched for a few minutes until he found a matching tie and put it on, tying it over and over until it looked good enough for his satisfaction. He put on a light gray vest then a tan, cotton sweater. After looking in the mirror he pulled the tie off and threw it back into the deepest recesses of his closet and grabbed his bag.

He heard his cell phone ring and concidered ignoreing it but picked it up and checked the caller ID. It was JJ," Hey, JJ." He said after pressing talk.

"Hey, Spence. I was wondering if you wanted me to get you a coffee today? I know how much you love the stale, oversugared coffee you get at the office." She said. He could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah. It's a hard decision. I think I would prefer the office coffee today." He joked.

"Hazelnut?" JJ asked.

"Yeah. Thanks J." He said, genuinly.

"You're welcome. Hotch wants us there early today. Think you can make it, or do I need to stall?" she said. He could hear someone talking to her and the sound of her searching her purse for money.

"I'll make it." He said, getting into his SUV.

"I'll see you then." She said," Bye Spence."

"Bye JJ" He threw his phone into his bag and started to drive. the rain from the day before hadn't let up. He watched the drops slide lazily off his windshield as he drove the backroad he knew no one else really ever took. He still watched the road but not as intently as useual.

Suddenly he looked up and saw someone standing in the middle of the road. He swirved to miss them and drove off the side of the road, stomping the brake and slamming into the stearing wheel. He sat back and closed his eyes, gasping in pain.

He turned around in his seat and looked out his back window. No one. He got out of the SUV and looked around in the thin sheet of rain. He looked around and called to the rain and trees," Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?" He screamed.

"There's no one there." Reid heard behind him and spun. As he turned he saw a brief glimpse of something but it was gone as soon as he turned around. He spun in his spot a few times, trying to see if someone was around him and hiding.

"Hello!" He shouted one more time. He rubbed his arms against the chill and climbed back into his vehicle. He took off his wet sweater and thre it in the back seat. The drizzle had been so light that the rest of his clothes were dry. He put his seatbelt back on and started to drive, rubbing the tender bruise forming on his chest. It hadn't been enough to really hurt him, but it would be tender for a while.

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><p>Morgan saw Reid spinning in his chair and smiled. He walked in and pushed Reid's forehead so that he fell out of the chair and onto his hands and knees. He laughed a little then leaned down to help Reid back up. He grabbed the younger man's arm and put a hand on his back.<p>

"Sorry, Kid. Didn't think it would do that." He chuckled. Reid smiled and punched Morgan hard in the chest. Morgan moved back and grinned," That actually kind of hurt."

'Really?" Reid asked, skeptically.

"No, not really. Sorry again." He smacked Reid's shoulder and continued around the table as Reid sat and started spinning slowly again. Emily smiled at him as he passed her chair and he winked, sitting across the table from her. JJ came in next and handed Reid a coffee and then handed one to Prentiss, electing to sit between them.

Hotch followed and then Garcia and Gideon. Gideon offered Garcia a smile and opened the door for her. She smiled and walked into the room and started handing out papers to everyone. She sat down next to Morgan, across from Reid.

"So, I assume we are all still tired and jetlagged from the last case. I just wanted to congradulate you all on finding that UnSub. We have a few more cases to look into today but everyone can go home early . There is nothing major to look into. Just take a look at the files and see if there is anything we can profile work for today guys." Hotch said, looking over the files he had been handed. Each of them had been given cases that fit their type of profiling, just to see if anything needed further looking into.

"What about that case in Taronto?" Morgan asked.

" Until we are _invited_ to the Taronto case, there is nothing we can do." Hotch smiled at each in turn.

"I got up early for this?" Morgan said, grinning.

"No, you got up early because we have a visitor who needs to talk to one or two of you. They just want to talk to us. This isn't an evaluation. They are writing a book. I reviewed thier questions. Shouldn't take up too much time. you can all take your files home after lunch." Hotch dismissed them by standing up and leaving the room. Reid smiled at Prentiss then followed Hotch out with his coffee and files.

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><p><strong>Check out the video I based this off of.<strong> http: .com/watch?v=T0oH3AcHlp8

**Do not copy and paste this. Type it into your browser or it won't work.**

**I went back to the first chapter and fixed the spelling of Tobias as well as tried to fix my horrific spelling in the summary... I have a crappy computer that has no spell check anymore :(**

**Review?**


	3. Seeing Things

_"What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us."_ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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><p>Lunch couldn't come fast enough for Reid. He had to take a break, soon. He tapped on his desk and tried to concentrate on the files. He knew he was gathering the information, even if he didn't concentrate, so he soon became bored and agitated.<p>

"I need to go to the restroom." He muttered in Emily's general direction. She nodded and he fled without another word. He locked the door so no one else could come in and reached frantically into his bag. The bottles were cool in his hand.

"Just do it." He jumped and spun around to find no one else in the bathroom with him. He slowly turned back and turned on the water,sitting the bottles down on the sink. He looked up and jumped backwords at what he saw in the stared at the water filling the sink then fell back into the stall and to the tile floor when someone knocked on the door.

"Kid? You alright?" Morgan shouted through the locked door," Saw you rush in here, wanted to be sure your ok. Why's the door locked?"

Reid stood and unlocked the door, opening it slowly so he wouldn't hit Morgan. He smiled," Sorry to worry you. I really haven't been feeling that well."

"That's a lie." Reid heard the voice again and shook his head. There was no way he was hearing that voice.

"Well, we are all heading out to a bar downtown for some drinks. Thought you would want to come. Actually Prentiss said she thought you would like to come." He smiled.

"Emily invited me? I'm not really good in the crowd situation." Reid laughed at himself and looked down at the floor.

"Kid, your hands bleeding." Morgan pointed. Reid looked up at him then put his hand out at eye level. There were small gashes on each of his knuckles and they were all bleeding. He reached into the bathroom and grabbed some paper towels and wrapped his hand.

"I fell when you knocked." Reid mumbled, laughing nervously again.

"We'll have Garcia take a look at that. The others have all left and I will definatly mess that up worse." Morgan led the way to Garcia's room. When Garcia saw Reid's hand he felt more like a child than he ever had at the BAU.

"You poor thing!" She shrieked. Her eyes went wide behind her purple rimmed glasses.

" It's nothing." He shrugged as she started to unwrap his hand and pulled a first aid kit out of one of her many drawers.

"Here." She dabbed the many cuts with an alchohol wipe.

"Ah! Ouch, Garcia!" He whined.

"Hold still, you baby!" she scolded and wrapped his hand, from the knuckles to the wrist, leaving his fingers and thumb loose.

"Wouldn't a bandaid work?" He smiled at her.

"Let's go, the other's are waiting." Morgan smacked Reid's shoulder and Reid gasped, but the other's didn't notice

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Morgan danced around the group of women, grinning. He rolled his eyes and grabbed Garcia's hand, pulling her into the center with him, pulling her close to his body and swaying quickly with the music. She giggled.

"Derek Morgan!" She shrieked.

"Penelope Garcia!" He smiled and spun her around then led her to the table," Are you sure you're old enough to drink?" He asked Reid.

"You know I don't think I am." Reid smiled and downed the beer in his hand. On the last drop he choked and coughed, spitting the last bit back into his cup. Morgan hit him hard in the back," Thanks." He wheezed and cleared his throat again.

"Man, Never thought you had it in you." Morgan laughed and hit his shoulder lightly again.

"Well. I think I'm going to turn in." Reid stood up and hugged JJ then Emily then Garcia and, almost hugged, Hotch. Hotch put his hands up and Reid mimicked," Sorry."

"I don't think you should drive." Gideon grinned.

"Not that far. I'm going down a backroad." Reid wasn't that drunk. He shook Gideon's hand then left. morgan had seen the younger man worse off.

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Reid clutched his chest as he walked to his truck. He grabbed the door and nodded a few times then got in. He drove for a few feet then made a decision. He shook his head.

_**Bad decision. No. Wrong! This is wrong!**_

" But it's what you want." Reid didn't startle this time. He looked into his rearview mirror and saw the face of Tobias. He knew it wasn't real but he didn't care. He had been hearing the voice for a while but he had only just recently understood what it was. He was a smart man and he knew exactly what was going on.

_**I'm going crazy. I must be.**_

"If the first step is denial then doesn't that mean since your not denying it that you're not crazy? Think about it! I must be real." the fake Tobias said quietly.

_**You're not real, but I know how to get rid of you.**_

"Do you?" Tobias scoffed.

"Yes. I do. I tried to deny it..." Reid said aloud.

"You really didn't try to fight this that hard." tobias stated plainly.

"Because this is what I've wanted."

"Is it?" Tobias smiled. Suddenly Reid pulled over and flung the door open and ripped his seat belt off and jumped out. He walked across the road and into the grass on the other side. he paced for a moment then stepped into the road and ran his hands through his hair, pulling it in frustration,"Spencer." Tobias said in a voice much like a scolding parent.

"Shut up!" Reid shouted,' I'm alright. I know what I need to do."

"Alright. Then do it. You have a great alibi." Tobias gestured veguely at him.

"What Alibi?" Reid looked up at him. How Tobias was on the roof of the SUV, Reid didn't know.

"Your chest, idiot." Tobias had never spoken to him like that before. Reid unbuttoned his shirt and whined a little at the large circular bruise on his chest. He nodded and made his decision finally.

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The drive home was perfect and timed at just , Perfect. Perect. He got gas across town then took his backroad, speeding the entire way. He bought more gas and threw away the second reciept. At the park he hid his vehicle and pulled his black gloves on. He felt warm and dry in his black hoodie and pulled his hood up. the reciept would prove that there was no way he was here. No way because his tank would be emptier. He would finish his work here then concrete his alibi.

A beautiful African American woman walked past the chess table he was sitting at. He cleared his throat and stood up. She flinched and her eyes went wide. Reid almost chickened out there, but he could see he heart beat in the vein in her neck.

"E-excuse me. I seem to be lost. What park is this?" Reid asked, walking slowly up to her.

"Oh, there's a sign at the front that has the name. I don't know how to pronounce it." She smiled, calming down a little bit. Reid couldn't have that. He moved forward, an upside of his size, his speed. He grabbed her hair at the back of her head and leaned her back, covering her face so she couldn't scream.

"I want only one thing from you." He said quietly," Do you understand?" She nodded and his lips curled back from his teeth in a feral smile. The first real smile he had since Tobias had died. He leaned over the girl who he had bent back," Run." He hissed and let her drop to the ground.

She scrambled back away from him then turned over on her hands and knees, scrambling to her feet then she tried to sprint. He watched her stumble and run and fall for about half the distance of the feild, the trees partly obscuring her.

He started to run and grinned again, the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the cool drizzle pushing him along. He reached her faster than he thought he would ahd tripped her. she fell and turned over to face him, backing into a tree.

"Please. Please." She begged, tears streaming down her face. He leaned down to her, face to face, looking into her eyes.

"Please what?" He asked, amused at his own private joke.

"Please don't kill me! Please!" She screached. Reid smiled and leaned back, sighing.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He shook his head, feeling the weight in the pocket at the front of his hoodie.

"You're not?" She asked, trying to calm herself. He smiled just right, knowing the way the light hit his teeth would make her blood run cold as he pulled the knife out, lifted it above his head," PLEASE!" She yelled, but he was already bringin it down. He stabbed her three times in the abdomin. She slid down the trunk and he watched as the life left her eyes.

He hadn't lied to her. He may have just killed a woman but he was above bringing pain on another human being, for now. He breathed in the smell of the rainwater and blood. How often had that smell made him sick in the past?

His eyes went wide and he bit his lip, smiling lightly in triumph. He closed his eyes and reveled in it. It did work. He felt so much better. He pulled her away from the tree and carved an insignia on her face. He had seen two similar cases in Emily's file stack. They would think this was the work of someone else.

Reid didn't need the glory of these being his own works. He had gotten what he came for. He took pff the gloves and the jacket and walked back to his SUV, putting them into a bag. He drove three blocks and dropped the bag into a sewr then dropped the knife into one another block away.

He smiled triumphantly and drove as fast as he could across town to the hospital. He pulled into the ER and stumbled from his vehicle. He walked in and leaned heavily on the nurses counter, clutching his chest.

"Excuse me, sir." The nurse behind the counter siad. He stayed doubled over but looked up at her," How may I help you?"

"I, uh, I'm hurt." He said nervously. the adrenaline was starting to wear off and he was tired and in pain.

"Can you tell me how?" she asked.

"I stopped my vehicle... too fast earlier in the rain. It slammed me into the steering wheel. It hurt a bit but I went to work anyway. It became hard to breath around lunch and I fell in the bathroom, busted my hand. I went out with my friends and on the drive home I got sick and drove right here. Agh!" He leaned over further.

"Here, let me see. We don't have anyone back here other than the norms so come on back. I'll bring the papers." She led him back and he sat down. He took his vest then his shirt off. She gasped at the nasty pruple, yellow, green bruise on his chest," You should have come in sooner1 You could havee broken your ribs."

"It wasn't that bad. I just hit my breaks!" He protested.

"With your stature, you could have really injured yourself severly. This could have been a perminent injury. Let me set up some X-rays." She smiled and handed him a hospital gown.

"Thank you. Can I call someone?" He asked.

"Yes, hun. Need a phone?" She offered him.

"No, Ma'am. I have one. Thank you." He grinned and dialed his phone.

"Hello, Gideon." He heard on the other end after a few rings.

"Gideon, can you come to the hospital? I, uh, got hurt in the SUV. Can you come?" Reid felt tears welling up in his eyes. It had been a while since he had lied to Gideon this easily.

"Yeah, I can come. I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier." He said.

"It's alright." Reid choked on his tears," Can you hurry. I'm scared."

"I'm already in my vehicle." Gideon said reassuringly.

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><p><strong>Thinking about this gave me nightmares...<strong>

**Reviews?**


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